Can we use grief or other difficult experiences as the entry point to design gatherings that can encompass truth, tenderness and transformation? Parisa Parsa invited Lennon Flowers into a conversation with the News Futures Care Collaboratory about loss, storytelling and the design of civic spaces where people are able to bring their whole selves.
Lennon invited us to imagine grief as an opportunity for building care and community. Following the loss of her mother and a longing for a place where her grief could be witnessed without being fixed, Lennon created The Dinner Party, a peer-led network of small group dinners for people in their 20s and 30s where they could bring parts of themselves they thought didn’t belong in public.
Lennon urges us to use grief and other big emotions to create spaces where people can process collectively, breaking isolation and forming deep, authentic relationships. She shared examples of how this approach can be a welcome interruptive force at a convening:
- In a community gathering focused on the opioid epidemic, the atmosphere in the room shifted radically when a participant shared the story of personal loss that brought them to the gathering. Expectations fell to the side; feelings entered. The room softened, and so did the work.
- She once cancelled an entire session after feeling the relational fabric unravel. Being responsive to the atmosphere in the room can look like pausing the plan when the room feels frayed, honoring silence or creating spaces where grief is part of the design.
- In a city grappling with systemic racial injustice, Lennon helped design affinity and bridging dinners, not to resolve harm, but to allow grief and truth to be shared. The goal wasn’t repair — it was the creation of new relationships that recognized the harm.
Grief is not just a personal loss; it can also be part of the civic infrastructure. A shared experience is what allows communities to stay in the work together. It allows journalists, facilitators, storytellers and civic stewards to explore the question: How can we create the kinds of gatherings that center care, not control, and provide a safe place for vulnerable stories and grief?
Make space for what hurts and what heals
Gathering around grief and loss can bring emotions to the surface, but that’s not the point. The goal is to build a gathering space that is strong enough to hold what’s there: grief, fatigue, tenderness and, sometimes, joy. Here are some ways to facilitate that.
- Ask for the why, not just the what
- Why: Having shared goals doesn’t mean people automatically trust each other.
- Try this: Before diving into discussion, ask: “What brought you here?” Bring people’s personal motivations into the space to shape understanding.
- Build in flexibility to show care
- Why: The unexpected is not a detour — it’s the work.
- Try this: Have a plan for how to respond to emotional overwhelm, rupture or silence. Consider: What happens if we need to pause? Who holds space? What’s OK to cancel?
- Honor multiple modes of expression
- Why: Verbal sharing is only one way of showing up.
- Try this: Offer journaling prompts. Invite drawing. Use objects. Let people name how they want to engage — especially when trauma or grief is in the room.
- Design for deep listening
- Why: Peoples’ thoughts and words are expressed at different speeds.
- Try This: Offer a prompt, then pause for 2–3 minutes of quiet thinking or writing. This helps participants clarify their own ideas and stay present while others share during open conversation. This is a good time to try out constructivist listening.
- Prioritize informed consent
- Why: Sharing stories without clarity on how they’ll be used is extractive.
- Try this: Explicitly name how and where stories may be shared, documented or published. Ask participants: What do you need to feel safe sharing? What do you want documented, or not? Where can we distribute this info?
Dig deeper
- Read all of the takeaways from Parisa and Lennon’s discussion at News Futures
- The Dinner Party Resources by The Dinner Party
- The People’s Supper Guidebooks by The People’s Supper
- (Re)connecting to place: Strategies for strengthening civic infrastructure by The Dinner Party Labs
