The first preparation for facilitating, Erik says, is internal — what energy am I bringing? What assumptions? What am I clinging to that might prevent me from truly listening?
For Erik, facilitation is less about expertise and more about stewardship. He described this change as moving from hero to host: shifting your stance from expert to facilitator and creating a space where people can discover their own answers, acknowledging complexity and uncertainty while prioritizing service to others.
But how often do journalists rush past that collective sensemaking in conversation, defaulting to the urgency of getting the story? What if, instead, listening was considered an essential part of care in journalism?
One way to slow down and show care is through constructivist listening, a practice in which hosts give full attention to another person who is speaking, to allow them to reflect, release emotion and have uninterrupted time to process out loud.
4 ways to prepare for a conversation centered on care
For Sam and Erik, gatherings or listening sessions benefit when the facilitator understands that hosting is in service to others. Here’s what that can look like.
- Do the self-work first.
- Why: You can’t create relational space if you’re disconnected from yourself. Your presence sets the tone.
- Try this: Prep with an energy scan: What’s the vibe I’m bringing? What needs reflection before I enter the room? What needs to shift for me to best serve this group right now?
- Be present versus polished.
- Why: “How You Be” matters more than what you do.
- Try this: Pause when you sense tension, confusion or the need to go in a different direction. Ask (yourself and the group): How is this landing? Is there anything we need to clarify? Is there something different you need right now?
- Make room for insights to emerge.
- Why: Listening is not waiting to speak — it’s witnessing.
- Try this: Use Constructivist Listening: Set a timer for three minutes. One person talks. The other only listens. Then switch. No feedback.
- Prepare infrastructure, not outcomes.
- Why: Flexibility is a form of care.
- Try this: Name the plan and its looseness. “Here is our proposed roadmap — but we’ll respond to what’s alive in the room.”
Dig deeper
- Leadership in the Age of Complexity: From Hero to Host by Margaret Wheatley and Debbie Frieze
- Be a host leader, not a hero by Jan Ross Sakian
- Make your meetings more engaging by Jan Ross Sakian
- Constructivist Listening by The National Equity Project
- Designing and Facilitating Meetings for Equity by The National Equity Project
